Yesterday I informed my flat-mate that I’m going to be looking to move out and get my own place. I don’t feel that revelation was well received.
From his point of view I’m sure I appear to be abandoning our friendship, abandoning him. Not quite the case, but I can I understand how he might feel that way. We have been roomies for the last 5 years. That is a long time. I value his friendship, and want to keep that. Part of keeping that friendship is one of the reasons why I need to move out on my own.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Living with a significant other there are compromises you agree to in order to maintain your relationship. My flat-mate isn’t an SO. He is a friend. This means the compromises made are to a much lesser degree. Neither of us can be willing to submit to the will of the other to the same degree that SO’s would. Its a matter of ego, pride, and self identity.
Over the last couple of years my own ego and self identity has strengthened. Become more resistant to subjugation and more insistent on its own expression. I think what has been building has been a silent battle of ego between my flat-mate and myself. A cold-war if you will.
I have taken the first step of ending the battle by initiating retreat from the battlefield. Co-habitation is not a long term winning strategy. This stage of life has run its course. Flogging a deceased equine as it it were.
Sadly I don’t expect my soon to be former flat-mate to be in agreement. I expect his actions will be of a aggressive and hostile nature. I have reason to suspect that he has already made up his mind to be a douche-bag and cause as much headache as possible. I’ll be disappointed, but not entirely surprised by this. It really does fit his behavior model however.
Lets hope for the following 1) minimal issues ‘getting out’ of the current place. 2) able to find a new place 3) friendship can be kept, even though changes must take place.
~RyeNCode~