It just seems like one of those days. Not making decisions, but thinking instead of plans to hatch and plans that failed.
~RyeNCode~
I just read this and I wanted to share.
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/01/21/story-time-jerry-the.html
~RyeNCode~
My dreams are not often remembered at morning.
Rarer still does a nightmare break through to my consciousness.
A nightmare is described as a bad dream. What substance of a bad dream, I believe speaks much to the character of the dreamer. Though in what ways, I’m not qualified to say.
My own nightmares, are not of beasts and demons. What causes me unease in sleep are not creatures that case fear and pain, but rather those IN fear and pain. These creatures take the form of friends, loved ones, and those who are not current in my life.
My most recent nightmare was of someone whom is gone from my life, though far too often fresh in memory. In the dream, she screamed, yelled and cried in pain. Angry word without meaning or form. Though I could not make sense of the sounds, their cause was clear. It was my own existence that was the cause for her suffering.
These are my nightmares.
With a December black psalm
And the night mare rides on
~RyeNCode~
This is a strange time of year for me. It seems to me that the major points of interest in my recent romantic history have taken place in the first couple of months of the year.
These events of the past have drastically shaped my present. Waking me up, stirring the pot just enough that brought desire back into my life. Teaching me that I can fall, entirely, totally in love (or was it lust) with someone. Showing me that I too can be loved (or lusted after.)
Those are the good things.
I’m also reminded that things that start out looking like they could never go wrong, often do. That a mistake, or rash action can ruin a good thing. That sometimes perseverance isn’t always the best course of action.
Through out all that, I’ve learned. Or I hope I have.
I confess that I’d been spoiled by you. From then on I have found no one that holds a candle to you. No one else that had me in rapture. Everyone else is, at best, a substitute for your memory.
Where are you now? Are you safe? Are you happy? Do you remember me at all? If you do, what emotions does my memory conjure?
I will never know these things. But I can answer them.
I’m where I was, but I’m not stationary. I’m safe as I can be. I can be happy, but I’m not whole. I remember you often. When I do, I try and feel happy for the times we had, but mostly I feel sad for the times we didn’t have a chance to have.
~RyeNCode~