I’ve given the following advice before:
You are not responsible for anyone Else’s happiness except for your own.
This was for a friend of mine who needed to take time for himself, give himself priority. Thankfully I believe he has done this and the results are awesome.
Today I need to take a bit of my own advice. I think the converse is true.
Your happiness cannot be the responsibility of anyone but yourself.
For me this means not waiting for someone else to make me happy. Not waiting for other people to make decisions that I want them to make. I need to make the moves that bring me to what I want. If what I want becomes unattainable… make it so that it is. (Either by abandoning the previous want in favor of a new want, or by making the want attainable)
Its not easy to take responsibility. It is very easy to say that X didn’t happen because Soandso didn’t play along; Soandso made this mistake; Soandso was at fault. Well what did I do?
No, not anymore. Now it has to be X did happen becaus RYAN played along; because RYAN did things right; because RYAN made it happen.
The above comic reminds us that as adults, we can play too.
“Because we are grownups now, and its our turn to decide what that means.”
So with me on the cusp of getting my own house… this leaves me wondering…. where do I get play-pen balls in bulk?
If I’ve had a chance to talk to you yet, you will know that I’ve pretty much bought a house. All that is left is securing the financing and getting the place inspected. It’s a good thing I have my ducks in a row so everything should go fairly smoothly.
I’m just now in the process of packing up my stuff and shoving it in storage. There is a gap of about 5 days between the possession date on the condo I’m leaving and the house I’m buying. This means that for about 5 days I’m homeless. I have had a few friends offer me lodgings during the transition phase prior to the sale of the condo and me buying this house. I hope they haven’t changed their minds!
My real estate agent will be dropping by in about a half hour so I can initial the final offer document. From there I send that off to my mortgage broker, and call up a highly recommended home inspector.
MY HOUSE! Casa de Ryan!
Sounds like the condo is sold. “* This is now a firm sale*” is what is written.
I can’t really express what a relief this is right now. I’m emotionally drained by this to the point of tears… good tears but tears none the less.
This represents a big step for me personally on my growth as a person.
As I mentioned earlier, there are times when gastric acrobatics can be caused by something seen, heard or read (or that was imagined to have been.) Today is more of the same, but from my own actions. Knowing my intentions are “The Best”, hoping my execution is acceptable. Now I wait for the result.
PS: Given my latest track record of my diabolical plans being thwarted by the fates… well, I’m crossing my fingers on this one.
In life, we must make decisions to set our course. We cannot sit back and let the wind be our sole guide; the wind is not strong enough to move a life, it can merely suggest. In a perfect world, all decisions would be made with full knowledge of it’s effects, and the knowledge of what not making that decision would mean. It would be a boring world. Instead we live in a world where we can only know so much, and the consequences of our decisions cannot be fully known. I would say that in most cases we don’t have a clue as to the future results of our decisions.
So how do we make decisions without knowing what will come of them? We have to go on feel. Our best guesses based on what we do know, based on what we suspect, and a dash hope against the odds. It is easy enough to be frightened into inaction… not stepping forward into the unknown. Who doesn’t want to wait to wait and gather a little more intelligence before taking action? And wait a little longer… and suddenly the opportunity to decide is gone. Circumstance or Someone else has made the decision for you.
I’ve been trapped into inaction by uncertainty. Time for change. This is me starting to make decisions on what I think I want. No, I’m not sure. I don’t always have a clear path in front of me. I will trip and fall at times. But I might also get to where I want to be. There is a certain exhilaration in not knowing. Something like running in the dark. Not knowing what is coming next. But dawn is coming.
It just seems like one of those days. Not making decisions, but thinking instead of plans to hatch and plans that failed.
I just read this and I wanted to share.
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/01/21/story-time-jerry-the.html
My dreams are not often remembered at morning.
Rarer still does a nightmare break through to my consciousness.
A nightmare is described as a bad dream. What substance of a bad dream, I believe speaks much to the character of the dreamer. Though in what ways, I’m not qualified to say.
My own nightmares, are not of beasts and demons. What causes me unease in sleep are not creatures that case fear and pain, but rather those IN fear and pain. These creatures take the form of friends, loved ones, and those who are not current in my life.
My most recent nightmare was of someone whom is gone from my life, though far too often fresh in memory. In the dream, she screamed, yelled and cried in pain. Angry word without meaning or form. Though I could not make sense of the sounds, their cause was clear. It was my own existence that was the cause for her suffering.
These are my nightmares.
With a December black psalm
And the night mare rides on