LightDeprived

I would be happy to visit your dreams,

To see your world through your subconscious,

To find a warm place in your thoughts,

To stand beside you as you battle your fears,

And one day too, for you to visit mine.

I’m in danger.  I know this feeling, this proto-emotion.  Feels good.

Hrmmm…. might need to see about some new things for the tickle trunk: Oubliette Leather

I have adopted a friend’s cat. The cat’s name is Shadow and she is a sweetie.  Right now she is still not sure about her new home.  She is very timid and has been hiding a lot.  I’m sure once she gets settled in she will love her new home as much as I do.

My nature walk and visit time with my friend /adopted* sister Shelly was great.  I feel 1,000,000 times better than I did yesterday.  And from the sounds of it so does Shelly.

She was able to take some great pictures of the environment there, and some of the 100 or so Elk we seen on the way there and back.  Also she took some pictures that were ruined by my being in them lol.

Thanks Shelly for going out to nature with me.

* not really adopted, just she feels like a sister to me right now , which is pretty cool as I’m an only child.

I’m looking forward to my planned nature walk this evening.

I hope to, with the help of a friend, find Sheep River Falls.  From what I’ve seen the area is beautiful.  I hope getting away from town and being able to talk with my friend will help remove some of this stress and anxiousness I’m carrying.

I hope to renew my relationship with nature this year.  Both through my own exploration into druidism and just working on/in my yard.

need you
dream you
find you
taste you

Dear heart,

It is true I can’t take your pain, though I wish I could.

It is true I don’t know your pain, though I can see how it hurts.

You feel now as though you have no worth.  Please trust that you do.

… a drink

… a confidant

… a vacation

… a lay

… more time

… less stress

… the answers

I don’t have any of those right now.  Some might come later in the day, many won’t.  The one thing I want most is the answers, not for my questions but for my friends who need them more than me.  I wish I could give the answers to ease their minds and solve their woes.  I don’t have them to give.

Not being able to give as much as is needed, as much as I want to give seems to be a common theme for me right now.  It’s a difficult concept to convey properly.  It comes down to “It’s not you, It’s me”.

As much as I love my friends, there are things that I can’t do… not right now anyways.  I have my own demons to battle before anything else.

In the meantime, I ask my friends to be strong, and I try to be there for them.

Terrified of telephones and shopping mall,
and knives, and drowning in the pools of over lives.
Rely a bit to heavily on alcohol and irony.
Get clobbered on by courtesy, in love with love, and lousy poetry.

Aside – The Weakerthans

This morning I removed the last of my things from the condo.  These were the things I was sleeping on or in.  I took the mail box key and the door key off my key chain, and put them on the counter.  I walked around one last time to make sure that I wasn’t leaving anything behind.  I locked myself out.

It wasn’t my home anymore.  It will be someone else’s now.

I will get keys to my new home Tuesday. Until the I’m a vagabond.

If you’re small and on a search
I’ve got a feeder for you to perch on

I like birds – The Eels