As children we are encouraged to learn to accept the differences of others. At least that is the preferred image of our culture. The idea that the kid sitting next to you in grade school might be of a different skin colour, different heritage or religion, might have a different family structure or not speak your language as clearly are all points that we are supposed to accept, and tolerate. This is intended so that we can all live more or less without conflict and can work together.
Reality being what it is, children are taught to accept what is different than themselves but only as long as it isn’t too different. This xenophobia is natural to our species. From a biology & societal point of view, embracing small differences but rejecting wider separation from the ‘norm’ is healthy and natural. Shunning the mutant or the invading outsider protects your own genetic group and culture. This rejection of larger differences is something children have to begin with and often parents and teachers reinforce it with their own actions and behaviors.
As adults, this tendency to stay comfortable within your own cultural and genetic grouping is as strong as ever. I see it everywhere. On the train to work, in the shopping centers, in the work place. People who look and act alike will congregate together. If there is no one who resembles you or acts the similarly then an outsider is born.
For most people being an outsider is not fun. You are see as less human by others. It becomes easier to be treated as an animal, not worthy of basic respect. This can drive people to avoid becoming an outsider by any means possible. Pressure to fit into the greater group can lead to suffocating your own true self, sacrificing who you are to become what you think others expect you to be. Maybe you just hide your true self and never let anyone else know.
I’m still trying to get over this. I was never very good at fitting in as a youth. I was different, though to this day I don’t understand what was so different about me. Leaning to put on a mask and become someone else is not easy and it took a long time. The end result was that when I did learn, I was not happy. The mask I wore was wrong for me. It was kind of like putting vinegar and baking soda into a pop bottle and shaking it up. Eventually the pop bottle couldn’t hold the pressure anymore and failed structurally.
For me this failure was not a Pop! or a Bang! For me it was more of a high pressure leak. It took some time and it was painful. At the end I figured out the mask had to go. Leaning to discover my true self again. It had been a long time since my true self was fully aware. I was a child the last time I knew the true Ryan. Now I’m an adult and the True Ryan now was a bit of a stranger.
I’m more the true Ryan now than I was last year. More than the year before, and more than yesterday. Do I fit in now with the greater group? In some ways, in others I’m still fringe. On the edge isn’t bad, its just different. I like some things that are not generally accepted as normal to the common society of the day. But each day I see the fringe grow, becoming more aware in the eyes of the normals.
Years ago, being a Geek of any sort was immediate justification for wedgies and ongoing put downs from your peers, and don’t forget that it was your fault for being different. Being Geek today is different. We still aren’t the most popular kid at the party, but the number of wedgies received is a bit lower now. That and the Jock knows he needs to keep a geek friend happy to fix his laptop when it doesn’t work anymore.
I’m not coming back from the fringe, I’m setting up shop. The normals are coming to us now.