On Facebook I’ve use the application “Honest Box” to ask a question. Through a response, and my reply, and back… someone, who’s identity I do not know, said they were curious as to why i’m shy. Through further responses they said they had not seen me in about four years. This threw me a little.
Who are you… who hasn’t seen me in four years, to comment on me now?
Do you honestly think that I am today the same person I was four years ago? I would guess that then, maybe I would be seen as being static, stationary, unchanging. How things have changed. I am still me, but I am very much not the me I was four years ago. I’m not even the me I was 4 months ago for that matter.
Yet, who are you? Really… Do I dare ask you to reveal yourself? Would you if I did ask? Would it matter?
In reality: No, I don’t want to know your Identity. Your opinion of me is your own. If you wanted me to know you held it, you would tell me to my face I should hope. Maybe you have. Maybe I wasn’t able to understand at the time. Didn’t know the language, the dialect you used. A different me, today might understand.
Maybe you lied. Maybe you do know me today. Perhaps you see me more often than you let on. I doubt this the case. In anonymity, what is the benefit to a lie?
I won’t lie: Your curiosity about why I am shy… it bothers me. I have lost sleep because of the implied question. Why am I shy?
As I responded to you’re anonymous inquiry I stated that I’m not what I was. I don’t see myself as shy, or at least not as shy. I said that sometimes my quietness can be seen as shyness, choosing not to speak when nothing of value is to be said, not speaking just to have my voice heard along with every other annoying extrovert.
I also said that I had initially intended to respond with reasons why I think I am shy, but that I chose not to. These reasons sounded like excuses. I don’t want to make excuses.
I am what I am, and that changes over time. Sometimes the changes are slow and I appear to be standing still. Sometimes the changes occur fast and you would miss the transition if you blinked. I choose not to make excuses for who I am, or who I was.
Anonymous From The Past, If you are curious as to why I was shy… I would hope that perhaps you might be curious as to what I have become instead. Focus less on what was, more on what is and what will come.
The past is good for learning from, but after that… move on. Apply what you have learned to what comes next.
~RyeNCode~